DO: Water truck
Overheard while setting up
Boy 1: Do you have any pegs?
Boy 2: Yeah, I’ll peg you.
Boy 1: No thanks mate, my buttplug’s already in. I’ll have some tent pegs though.
DON’T: White guy dreads
DO: Goon
Overheard while packing up
Girl 1: I can’t believe I didn’t recognise Bryden, my osteo, in that
outfit. He was like “you don’t recognise me”.
Girl 2: What was he wearing?
Girl 1: Like a brown cloak and blue eyes, what’s that like “Lord of the Rings”?
DO: Let everyone know you’re a piece of shit
Overheard during the scrappy headliners, The Streets
They have one hit song and I’m pretty sure it’s about hating women for knowing they’re hot.
DON’T: Be shy to do whatever the fuck you want, even if that involves Kindle On the Dancefloor
DO: Honda Jazz With Flame Applique
Overheard: Everything that the prophet Mulalo says is funny
Mulalo: Who the fuck is going outside the boundaries? What is outside the boundaries? I can’t imagine paying for a ticket and being dumb and going outside the festival. What are you doing?
DON’T: Show me a silly-boots bit featuring a huge, soft, cute, joyous inflatable Totoro on the side of the hill at sunset
Overheard: Mulalo again
Mulalo: Littering is for losers. We have one Earth bitch so pick up your rubbish! Immediately!