Matt Kartozian-USA TODAY Sports
Three stars of comedy
Mariah Carey has nothing on our Christmas classic. — Buffalo Sabres (@BuffaloSabres)December 21, 2016
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The third star: Marcus Foligno—The Sabres forward understands the importance of looking your best before trading face punches. (Insult to injury: His owner brother roasting him on Twitter.)Don't be a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. Watch the Penguins' Elf video and have a great holiday! — Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins)December 17, 2016
The second star: Mark Borowiecki—I could watch NHL players flail around with broken skates all day. I think it's because it reminds me of my childhood as a young boy in Ontario in the 1980s, watching the Toronto Maple Leafs try to play defense.The first star: This adorable child—Hell yes it's a kid being cute in the top spot for the third week in a row. This whole section will be 100 percent kids by the end of the season, you just wait.When you're in a fight but have to make sure your hair looks good. — Buffalo Sabres (@BuffaloSabres)December 21, 2016
The Red Wings won - but this little kid won the hearts of every person at Joe Louis Arena. WATCH: Hilarious response from the fans. — Brad Galli (@BradGalli)December 18, 2016
Outrage of the week
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Instead, there was no call, and clearly that was a mistake. No argument there. The refs need to be better, especially on the big plays where everyone in the rink is watching.But should McDavid get a different call there than Drake Caggiula? Should a cheap shot on Vladimir Tarasenko draw a bigger suspension than one on Ryan Reaves?I don't feel like I want to see the game policed that way, even though that stance seems to go against what I've been arguing for years. I'm not sure how I justify that contradiction, and maybe I'll come around eventually. But not yet.
Obscure former player of the week
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Be It Resolved
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Classic YouTube clip breakdown
- So let's set the stage. It's exactly 13 years ago—December 23, 2003. With everyone in the Christmas spirit, the fine folks at Nassau Coliseum have come up with a fun holiday idea: free admission for anyone who shows up at the game dressed as Santa. And as an added bonus, all those Santas will be invited to come down onto the ice after the first period for an impromptu Christmas parade. What could possible go wrong?
- If you said "a massive brawl will break out", then you are a) psychologically damaged, and b) correct.
- I'll walk you through what you're watching, because this footage is from 2003 and is therefore terrible. Seriously, how did we watch hockey before high-definition? It seemed fine to us at the time, but in hindsight it looks like every highlight from before 2009 was filmed on my old ColecoVision.
- The Islanders are hosting Philadelphia tonight, but that doesn't really matter because for the first time in hockey history, something stupid is going to happen and the Flyers will just be innocent bystanders. Instead, it's all going to be Pavel Bure's fault. You'll see what I mean.
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- So the Santas are all just wandering aimlessly, the way Santas tend to do when they're already a half-dozen pints in. It all seems to be going well until one of them decides to disrobe. Normally that would be fine, but he's going to strip down to reveal just about the most offensive thing you can show an Islanders fan: a New York Rangers jersey.
- A No. 96 Bure jersey, to be exact, which gives us all a chance to vaguely remember Bure ever playing there. I miss the days when every famous hockey player had to spend at least a year with the Rangers. We should bring that back. Tell me you wouldn't enjoy seeing a 37-year-old Alexander Ovechkin with two bad knees scoring 14 goals for the Rangers while making $13 million against the cap.
- So Santa Bure starts posing, and it's not hard to predict what comes next. He's immediately attacked by various pro-Islander Santas, and we have ourselves an old-fashioned Santa donnybrook.
- You can't see it in this clip, but apparently Bure isn't acting alone, and it actually one of several Ranger fans pulling off the same act. I like to imagine that they didn't know each other, and all just had the same idea independently.
- The announcers on our clip play it off like everyone is just having fun, but there's some dispute over whether that was the case. This New York Times article on the incident quotes an Islanders spokesperson calling the whole thing "crazy", but half-heartedly assures readers that "the situation never deteriorated into real violence"; other accounts suggest that at least some of the punches weren't pulled.
- Either way, we can all agree that that the star of the clip is the tiny Santa who races over to jump into the fight. It's either an adorable child or Steve Webb, I'm not quite sure.
- Random quote from an AP article that amuses me more than it probably should: "Other Santas went sliding across the ice during the melee that took six minutes to settle down."
- Our announcers weight in. "Are they serious?" "I hope not." This phrase appears in roughly 80 percent of stories about the Islanders from the last two decades.
- By the way, this clip is from intermission of an MSG broadcast, and I'm pretty sure one of the voices is John Davidson, making what I believe is his 500th career appearance in this section. Congratulations John!
- According to the Times, the brawl caused a delay in clearing the ice and earned the Islanders a stern talking-to form the league. The team never repeated the promotion, marking the only known instance during the Mike Milbury era of anyone actually learning from a mistake.