VICE: I usually like to start by asking a loaded question, which is, who are you?
A lot of things that I didn't even realise my body was experiencing were because of the trauma that I experienced. But because I was able to process and really start healing from what happened to me, my brain was like, well, let's have fun now, let's experiment, let's explore things. And the glory hole, for me, was a great avenue for me to also, I guess, explore my gender, explore my sexuality, because so much of my identity is attached to the body. And in this context, the body is not the body, it's a plywood. With a hole. And a mouth….And a mouth. So literally, all of these things about identity, gender, sexuality, becomes quite irrelevant, because it’s just… a hole now. I realised through COVID – and sitting more on my gender, how fluid – in so many ways it embodies transness because of that. It's been a really good way for me to lean in on these different energies that I have. And then, I guess, experience what energies attract that. When I started to lean in more to my femininity, I was just inundated with men, straight men, particularly tradies who were really resonating with that a lot. At first, very often a lot of people were very dismissive about their sexualities. They’re like, well, they’re not straight men if they’re having sex with you. But I think what people fail to understand when they do make those statements, is that, one, it rejects my transness. It denies me of my femininity. But also, it frames straightness as a fixed, static thing. Where I’ve actually learned straightness is just as fluid and exploratory and curious as any other sexuality.“We've just been taught to frame straightness as being literally straight, but ‘straight’, in a lot of ways, can have different iterations the same way a lot of queer, gay men have sex with women, and trans folks and non binary folks.”
“VERBAL PLUMBER” [SUPPLIED]The hole, in a lot of ways, has given them a lot of safety. Being affected by patriarchy in itself, and expectations they have about men and masculinity, particularly with Australian masculinity being so seen as this immovable, and irrefutable kind of concept. A lot of these men are challenging that through [the hole]. And it's been great because for me, my relationship with straight men prior to this was almost non-existent, because I've just seen them as that. Like, I can't even talk to you, this is another world, I need a translator to even speak to you. And then I’ve let them into my life through this medium.“We’ve got to be really mindful about how we keep framing genders. Because on the flip side, it is sexist.”
But for them to also recognise that what they're doing is actually showing leadership, really challenging a lot of stigma, not only about straight men being with trans people, but straight men also being exploratory, being curious by being open and being intimate. Our portraits of straight men are usually of violence, of destruction, of emotional inadequacy. And I'd love to share a bit more of a nuance around that. We’ve got to be really mindful about how we keep framing genders. Because on the flip side, it is sexist. We need to really acknowledge everyone's emotional capacity and nuance, and bring a richness and understanding of gender and sexuality from wherever they may be, as long as we provide a safe space for them to do that. And I'd like to think that I'm doing that with my practice.“If you told me two years ago, ‘girl, if you start sucking cock at home, all of these things will happen….’”
A lot of the stories that I hear about men who cheat on their partners, and most of the men who see me have partners and girlfriends who aren't aware of what's happening, I ask them about what's motivating them to do that. I find it really, really fascinating. With my principles around sex work, I don't really like to moralise it, I don't want to be like a right or wrong person. For me, it's just really going back to what I said earlier on, providing a space where someone feel safe to access intimacy, sex, pleasure and experimentation, which I find for a lot of these men don't get have get to have access to, or may not necessarily feel safe expressing to their partners, because of homophobia, or homophobic tendencies or transphobic tendencies. It's cool, seeing the potential that human relationships can have, if there is that empathy and safety and understanding and communication. It’s very inspiring.It sounds so radical, because it is, but in so many ways, it's also so painfully obvious. Like, yes, if we communicate and talk about our needs, we can have a very successful relationship. One thing that I think needs to be acknowledged when we do enter that space is having the right support. And being in a safe space. It’s like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you’ve got to make sure everything is ticked first, before you can even start exploring that really hard shit.“In so many ways, the reflection of my subjects in my practice is an exact correlation of how I feel about it. The more and more that they're becoming more visible, the more and more that I'm becoming more present, and part of the practice.”
Glory Hole Fun Facts Round From Babydilf
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