We're not sure how you spent your indeterminably long traumatic time period between 2020 and 2021, but we were binging The Sopranos for the eight millionth time. Night after night, we watched Paulie and Christopher get lost in the woods, rooted for Carmela and Furio to just make out already, and indulged the thorny protagonism of Tony in all his toxic male glory. Now, here we are, in 2023, gathering at our favorite red sauce restaurants, sharing charcuterie plates, re-watching The Sopranos (again); and some of us see a little Tony in our own dysfunctional, old-school fathers. Dads: They're complicated!
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Father's Day is just around the corner, and it's got us contemplating and appreciating the complex nature of the dad figures in our lives, whether those dads are bathrobed mobsters, good-natured accountants, or not technically dads at all. Should your personal papa fall into the former category, here are some suggestions on how to make them kiss their fingertips with glee come Sunday. Here are the best gifts for dads who have strong opinions about lasagna composition and make sporting a signet ring on their pinky look sexy.Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd really like to eat some cured meat with you. For a Certain Type of Dad, you just can't go wrong with a bouquet of salami. Carnivore Club has several salami cornucopias that will raise your dad's spirits (and probably his blood pressure, but whatever), including the Complete Box Sampler—which includes two types of cured meats plus three to four pairings like mustard, cheese, jams, nuts, pickled goods, and more. Harry & David also has a deluxe charcuterie assortment that will last your insatiable father at least… I don’t know… a week? Just make sure he keeps an eye on his blood pressure. A couple of years ago, Esquire writer Dom Nero asked (and answered), "What the Hell is 'Gabagool,' and Why Does Tony Soprano Talk About It All the Time?" The short answer is that "gabagool" is a Jerseyfied, bastardized way of saying "capicola," which is a traditional Italian cured ham. If you're sadly bereft of a local deli where you can emphatically gesture while begging for some cold cuts, you can get premium Primanti Bros. sandwiches online from Goldbelly. If you order soon, they’ll be there by Father's Day, so nobody can say “But what, no gabagool???”.
For the salami king
Of course, the gabagool
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If he's more of the slice-it-yourself type, you can get a whole 2.5-pound hot coppa on Amazon, because of course you can. Tony is known to hit the grill, perhaps with a cigar dangling from his lips and his chest hair greeting guests from beneath his button-down. And what would any self-respecting waste management consultant be turning o'er the flames? Hot Italian pork sausage, duh. Rastelli's has the good stuff. OK, you've got your salume and your gabagool—but as much as eating cold cuts straight out of the fridge is a joy that both our fathers and Tony enjoy partaking in, sometimes you want to create a proper plate with additional fixings. Buying an entire wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano ain't cheap—in fact, it can cost you up to or more than $3,000, like this bad boy from Williams-Sonoma. If you can afford paying that in the name of cheese, we salute you. However, you can snag an eighth of a wheel—that's still 10 pounds of cheese!—for less than 200 bucks, which is far more reasonable. And this is 24-month, top-grade shit! It's sold in smaller increments, too, but we like to say go big or go home. Of course, if you just want a replica of a giant wheel of cheese, that's an option, too. If you're going full sodium bomb bliss, you've gotta go all in with some olives. We're big fans of briny, buttery Castelvetranos, which you can blessedly buy in bulk, straight from an organic Sicilian farm where they're picked by hand. Watch out for pits!
For the grill boss
Complete the spread [claps in your face]
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Crown the garlic king
Smoking is bad, we swear
Sheets fit for the Boss
A Cuban-style shirt
A bathrobe for the big boys
An Adidas tracksuit
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The signet ring his pinky deserves
A hat for when you’re not at the club
Shaving accoutrements of the gods
His favorite pastime is reading the paper, parked out front of the local deli
A stay at a Tuscan villa
Il Sartino, $37/night on AirbnbAll due respect, you got no fucking idea what it's like to be Number One. But that's why we salute Daddy. He takes care of business. Now pass the gabagool.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.