Advertisement
Brian Sloan: My girlfriend, of course, knows that I'm in the toy business. When people who don't know you hear you're making sex toys, they have all these ideas that it's, like, wild. It's actually very normal stuff. Like, you make things in China, and you deal with logistics, quality control, the website. It's not a very sexy thing.
Advertisement
I think that a penis contest would be very predictable and nothing new would be learned. Scrotums are something that aren't talked about. I don't actually know which kind of scrotum people would find to be attractive. When we really reeled in on the vulva, I hired this guy who was an oceanographer, and he came up with a way to classify things like, how wrinkly are the labia, how protruding are they? So many things you wouldn't think about.When you think about the scrotum, you have to think about how complex it is. There are so many things to measure on it. Not just size—some of them have spots. Even the wrinkles, there are so many different wrinkle styles. I think, in many ways, scrotums are much more complex than penises, and much less studied.
Advertisement
Most people wrote about in the middle. Stuff like, "This is really funny, but are we allowed to think this is interesting because it is objectifying to women?" I found it a strange thing to say. Like, it is objectifying, but it's not symbolically objectifying, it is literally objectifying. I am turning these things into objects. That's the point.The funny thing is that the same people who would call this contest objectifying, wouldn't call it objectifying to turn a man's penis into a dildo, which there are many, many, many of in the world. In fact, I think it's safe to say there are way more varieties of dildos in the world than there are vagina sleeves. I kind of wanted to balance it out. Like, it's to learn something about women, but also something about men we don't know.So, with the last contest, you created the Vulva Paper. This contest, you're going to be producing the Balls Paper. Do you have a researcher on this and what are they looking for?
Yeah, we basically just have a database which consists of all of the visits [on the website] and all of the votes. The researcher uses a statistic software to normalize all of the data across a range and find an average. Then, he looks at vulvas, and creates classifications of their appearance and characteristics. He ended up coming up with six normal classes. For example, with the vulva, you have to measure the distance between one point and the other. We have screen-measuring software than can tell the exact distance between certain points. We then compare the vulvas and see how proportional they were. The same style will be applied to the scrotum contest. You can find out actual genetic styles of genitals and the data is being given out for researchers to use. It is more than just cosmetics.
Advertisement
That's the thing, I have no idea what makes a good scrotum! I can guess what makes a good scrotum, but if you follow vulva factors, there was an even split between [approval] of protruding and non-protruding labia. I can guess that a bigger scrotum will rank higher than a smaller scrotum, but what about danglines? Do people prefer them dangling from the body, or further inside? I don't know which style of wrinkles people prefer. I don't know what's going to make a good scrotum, but I'm very excited to find out in this context and especially to replicate the good ones into objects.Are there any specifications for the contest? Do balls have to be shaved?
Y'know, they don't have to be shaved to enter the contest, but those that win will need to be shaved because, when we 3D scan them, the scanner can't scan hair.That's interesting. Will keep that in mind if I ever photocopy my balls. The email I received says you'll be making the balls into doorstops and paperweights via 3D printing, correct?
No, actually, we don't 3D print them. We use a 3D scanner—which is often times associated with 3D printing—and from that scan, we give it to a factory and they can create a mould from whatever I give them. So, if I give them a scan and tell them to blow it up to four times the size and make it stainless steel, they can make a CAD file and create the replica balls in factory. 3D printing isn't related to this, it's more about accurately capturing the scrotum.Any friends or family participating in this?
[Laughs] Family? No, no. Not that I know of. I do know a friend who is participating, though.Are all the submissions anonymous?
Yeah, you can write any name you want on there. A name and an age. We know who the people are via the email address they give us, but it's all anonymous to everybody else. The women who were on the vagina contest were also anonymous.Are you going to join in, even for fun? I imagine you can't win your own contest.
Yeah, for sure! My partner who's helping me run the contest and is dealing with the technical side of thing won't know it's me, though. If I submitted it very early on, he'd probably figure it out, but now that it's already started, he won't know which one is me. I think he'll probably submit his and I won't know either! It's all a mystery.Follow Jake Kivanc on Twitter.