Welcome to 'Introducing', where we get acquainted with Britain's weird and wonderful new subcultures.
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An important distinction: the Jogger in lockdown time (LT) is slightly different to the Jogger before lockdown (BL). Whereas the Jogger BL will be reasonably comfortable in his or her personal running achievements, the Lockdown Jogger is an insecure beginner, desperate for validation. Like a mum new to Facebook (“Just poured myself a glass of red… it’s five o'clock somewhere!!"; "Jane is… Feeling Wacky :P"), the Lockdown Jogger plasters their new hobby on every social media platform going.At first, these posts will be tentative and partially self-aware. “Aha, guess I’m THAT GUY now,” they write after their first 5K. A few runs and likes on their running app later – amplified by increased social media use during the lockdown – and the posts will pick up. “Beaut sunset in London Fields tonight on my 8K (elvtion: 45m, time: 45m, negative splits). Lovely colours!!” their Instagram story reads. “Does anyone know the best running shoe for medium to long road runs?” And then, when all sense of irony has disappeared and you notice that they have joined two virtual running clubs and signed up to next month's 10k: “Comfortable pace on this one."As time passes, the Lockdown Jogger's confidence builds, and their attitude becomes more insufferable. They do not observe the rules of social distancing – that would mean jeopardising a PB for you to pass on a narrow pavement. Instead they huff and sweat next to you, drum and bass Spotify Run playlist leaking out of their earphones, as they fling their body to the side in an elaborate avoidance gesture. The Lockdown Jogger won’t stop talking about how they “can’t wait for Parkrun to return”, and keeps track of whether their housemates have run more times this week than them (they haven’t). They announce, loudly, that they have shin splints. They don't know what shin splints are.
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