Wow. People were really unhappy with Ronâs take on Eastbound & Down. We asked him what he thought about the outpouring of anger, and all he said was, âI donât care about nerds or crybabies. That show is not good.â Still, loads of people out there are in need of Ronâs help. Proof came earlier this week when we received a note from a guy whose well-to-do dad has been doing all sorts of tufted and grunty stuff in the closet and behind his familyâs back for years.Hey Ron,My dad is gay and still married to my mom. I know this because I walked in on him jerking it to gay porn, and then his whole stash of gay porn popped up on my Soulseek network. He meets up with random college guys he finds online or at work and doesnât come home until like four in the morning. I also found out that he bought this one guy a $50,000 car. I told my mom she needs to dump him, but she just ignores me and says she wants to keep giving things a shot. As far as I can tell this has been going on for at least ten years. Is there any way to help?Help? Iâm sad to say there is no help. Your dad is a closet homosexual. I guess because of what he does for a livingâIâm thinking he probably works in the corporate worldâthat he must identify as being heterosexual. Youâre never going to make him change.Heâs either going to leave your mom or stay with her. As long as he stays sheâs going to deal with it because she probably doesnât work. Sheâs not going to leave the luxury of having what she wants, and in return she lets him do whatever he wants as long as he doesnât bring it home. At least thatâs what I assume. You catching him choking his chicken to guysâ butts probably stunned you pretty good, but heâs been that way for a very long time.You can confront him and put him on the spot, but I donât know how far thatâs going to go. Heâs probably going to say, âYour mom knows. Sheâs OK with it as long as I donât bring it home.â Still, I think you should confront him. Itâll at least clear the air between you and your dad. Heâs still your father regardless of what his sexual preferences are. Tell him how it makes you feel, how you were raised to be a man, and here he is doing the opposite of what he taught you to do and how to live. If heâs limp-wristed, he should be waving around his gay hands proudly like a flagâat least in front of his family. Tell him to be a true man.You know, I watch the Lifetime channel sometimes. I get to see how some of the other haves and have-nots live. I've come up with some conclusions about life based on some of those shows Iâve watched. Donât get me wrong. Television is not my moral compass, but it does broaden my horizon about people in Kentucky and Wyoming because Iâve never been to those places. And I wouldnât go unless it was to watch horse racing. But Iâm digressing here.Your momâs role in all of this is a touchier subject. Itâs going to be little rough if you decide to confront her or if you confront your dad and he tells her about it. Sheâs going to totally deny it and tell you to mind your own business. You know, âItâs just between adults.â Just donât get smart and say something like, âNot really mom. Itâs actually between buttcheeks.â She wonât like that kind of talk.My gut feeling is that she knows all about it anyway. You donât live with a man for 15 or 20 years and donât know about something like this. Again, she probably ignores it because if he can buy some random beat buddy a $50,000 car then sheâs definitely staying quiet. Sheâs probably got everything she needs, except maybe him.Speaking of the car, thatâs what you should be pissed about. My father couldnât ever buy anyone a $50,000 car. But if he could have I better have been the first in line. Not some dude he gets off with. Donât go spending all your money on some brownie [according to Ron, his usage of the word âbrownieâ is a reference to mooching and not a homophobic slur. Weâve never heard of either definition.âEd.] and leave me out in the cold. âCause thatâs not cool.Love,
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RonSend fan mail, bank account numbers, or darkest problems to Ron! Right here!